How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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