He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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