everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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