i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
