She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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