she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
