she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
ok first of all what the fuck
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
