So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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