Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
