Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
