OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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