I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What a dumb baby whore.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
