the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Bring me that man meat
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
