ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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