It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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