I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
