so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
