how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
smell my finger.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
