They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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