My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
