when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
