jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
