Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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