fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
