i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
