There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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