I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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