I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
