I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
