i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
