beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
