you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
