Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
