Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
