Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
