I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
