so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
