seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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