I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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