I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
