My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize