Only a mothe r could love this liver
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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