Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
