Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
