am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
