I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
