she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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