I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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