You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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