i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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