Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
