First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
